AngelKiti07I think life is beautiful, it makes me want to cry and before it made me want to die. I think everyone’s accomplishments and suffering are both sick and pretty. I don’t need to understand everything right now, but I do need to work on a lot of great things. It’s 09:07, the 12/12 portal opens soon and I’m really hoping I can make it, I still need to to think about a few things. I’m really determined and hoping for the new beginning
Yeah, it has been weird lately. But I already discovered that wasn’t in my head, and it’s true with the sun’s energy, Jupiter and the Moon. Yes, it has been uncomfortable and awfully still, but it’s beautiful. And today was a beautiful day. From the way the sun glared through the garage window with the cat laying down gently, to a quick visit to the outside world to feel the strong energy. I wonder if there was a portal in the end of 2020 that I had missed??? I’m not sure, maybe that would explain some things… but either way I know it’s going to be alright! And yes, I do get frustrated with people sometimes subconsciously and silently because they do not understand me, but i have been learning to accept that in the way that people are all struggling in their own subconscious way, and they are just trying to get through their repetitive day, it’s sad…༘⋆🪼࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ :[
I still have a lot to learn!!!!!! AND I WON’T GIVE UP EVEN THOUGH IT WONT BE EASYYYYY!!! Okay, so yes these past few years have not been the best and yes I’m even more ill now, but the difference is I’m truly determined this timeദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊
I need to definitely learn about ME over time eventually, and it will certainly still be difficult and confusing and scary, but I’m feeling pretty daring lol. Seriously though, I’m serious but I can not force this. This is not a portal for closure, this is about being free. DON’T INGAGE IN ILLUSIONS AND DO NOT FORCE IT OR IT WILL CREATE MORE RESISTENCE!!! Also, live life in the moment
I have a lot of goals
One of them of course being learning about all the different me and perhaps adding everything up to something great???!! I have learned that I am no mistake. But make sure to always be careful with your ego and how it can be interpreted
(WORK ON UR SPELLING AND EDUCATION LOL)
Yes, that’s another thing. Continue to study for my GED, and strive for a comfortable job that won’t trigger your illnesses, save up, learn more life skills (I’m a fast learner)!! And strive to move out in the summer. This will take a lot, but your head has definitely got it!! Yay
I also want to work on officially gaining my own personalized personality!!!( ̷ ̷^⩊^ ̷ ̷) This will also take some time, but I really want to achieve this for the first time in my life. Okay, I need to ground myself. Life is how you create it, and my brain definitely creates a lot of interesting things, and even ugly can be beautiful.
Welllll, yes that’s also another goal, beauty. Having looks is definitely not everything, it’s the soul and heart and mind that count, and how you connect it to yourself and the moments on this world. But looks is like a boost, and anyone would be happy to like themselves physically. I think I don’t have bad features, and I don’t find myself “ugly”, but I look at physical form as a form of expression, just like how art is in everything. Yes, I need to work on my hair, skin, and body and making sure to always eat healthy🍰ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊ and I need to continue my walks of nature !!!!! But physical form definitely has something to do with the soul too, and I know I cant force it and obviously I can’t control it. I need to free it and release it, I have hope I can turn into something great in every single way!⋆｡ °✩🎧˚☽˚｡⋆ Life is so beautiful, life is so ugly, I like to see art in everything. I care about the world, and I still have a lot to learn !!!
Personality wise, I have definitely already very much improved, despite there being a lot of me. But it’s definitely the start of everything. Kind and caring, full of love but also understands and appreciate the sick and disgusting. It seems I have fallen to believe I have lived so many different lives entirely, but maybe, all of them will eventually add up to me!!! YAY!!⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂)⸝♡⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ I’m a quiet girl who doesn’t talk a lot, but I’m also a girl who likes to laugh and scream chaotically. I can be pretty, I can be ugly. And there a point of my life I could hardly think. I might have missed a possible important portal in late 2020, but I do not know. Then eventually I was medicated and my loud voice went away and I was sure I could sometimes feel and see nothing. I’m a girl who’s young, but also possibly beyond her years since the many things I still can’t explain since I was a kid. I like silence and enjoying calmness in what seems to be still and breathtaking moments, and I also like having a time of life… I can definitely be crazy in people’s eyes at times. I cry, I hurt myself, and sometimes it hurts so much that I feel like I’m dying, so I keep crying as my blood runs cold! I used to be lonely, but now I realize I am only, and have always been, alone. That hurt me again, but slowly I realized it’s okay!! God listens to me, animals hear me, I’m on this world and I care about people as a whole !! ♪～(◔◡◔ิ)人(╹◡╹๑)～♪ I feel and see a lot of things, and I love my boyfriend more than anything and feel connected to him, it’s great and I want to bring him to the new beginning,, AHH FOCUS BUT NOT TOO MUCH AND BE AUTHENTIC!!!!
I’m a lot of things really, maybe too much to name and it’s probably not too important to name too many. I like punk, and I think the punk culture and ideologies is very interesting. Of course I need to continue to focus on my current art, but I would also like to add playing guitar, making music and film/photography!! Yes!! I have a lot of ideas for that too!! And I definitely need to work on organizing and balancing important things, like when I get another job!! (｡•ˇ‸ˇ•｡) 𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋
Maybe I would like for my physical form to finally be free and pretty just like my soul will all add up to be eventually, despite seeing, feeling and hearing many things already!
Quick List of physical traits because it’s not even close to what’s truly important here (╥ ω ╥)
New Hair (it’s growing slowlyyy lol but it’s okay + healthy hair and a little work on the hairstyle)
Nice skin (yummy! :3)
Body (focus individual body parts + more walking!!!)
Face (massages, lose weight, be kind, genuine faces, chaotic and passionate smiles :3) But yes, face is hard and takes a lot of transforming with your soul!! Keep in control, ground yourself and relax and think carefully and silently and sometimes chaotically, and let your energy and soul be free !!! It’s quiet right now (22:58 December 11th), observe the sound, silence is loud.
Eating healthy
૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა
./づ~ 🍓
Being able to express my kindness and chaos and love, and learn how to talk!!!!!! A mixture of ugly and beautiful !! <3
I am here now(I think), and I want to be me. I am still learning a lot of things from what I see, hear and feel inside of me and about the world. I want to fully be genuine and authentic. I’m not perfect, I am far from it. And I have taken advantage of time and been trying to escape from my emotions. But I’m still learning and there is a lot more to learn, and today the light shined the world in a unfamiliar yet very familiar way, and now it’s almost the end of the day. It’s a bit harder to connect to everything with severe dissociation + a lot of different illnesses, but it is no excuse and actually helps as a tool, plus ugly and haunting is also still pretty, if you get in your mind.
My existence used to make me want to die, for so many so called “endless” years of my life,
I know it will be okay though, and I think I’m about to be ready for the new beginning. Well not exactly right at this moment, I still need a bit more time, but I think it’s important to fully sit down and reflect still (23:13).
I love animals too, I hope all animals will eventually be okay.
No, I still do not know me. It will take time, but I’m determined to change and live my life.
Hey, if your struggling, just know you’re not alone. If you’re alive, you’re meaningful and apart of the beauty of the world and time. I want to cry, but it will be okay because I know people are alive, even if they don’t take the time in the day to acknowledge it.
I want to beautiful and ugly and show the world what I will create and be kind and great, care for the people, care about ME, and the boy I love more than anything.
See, all of me was for a reason, even if I can’t always see it.
I still have a lot to learn, but it may be foolish to call me a naive girlꉂ૮(°□°’˶)ა
I see and feel and hear and see a lot of things, thank you
And God helped me a lot, I want to pray more. I feel God and he hears me, it’s sweet! One time, I saw him in the dark in the distance, blurry and shifting, plus all the visions.. yeah!!
23:26
I also try not to be biased, and I like to be genuine.
DON’T ENAGAGE IN ILLUSIONS, ENGAGE IN DREAMS˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
( ‘⩊ ᐢ<)。
ｏ
○
╭◜◝ ͡ ◜ ͡ ╮ ╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝ ͡ ◝
( wondering) ( what)
╰◟◞ ͜ ╭◜◝ ͡ ◜◝ ͡ ◝ ͡ ╮◞◟◞ ╯
( human feels! )
╰◟◞ ͜ ◟◞ ͜ ◟◞ ╯
A balance of real life also awaits for me!! And the need to always create so so many things!! I love art of all kinds, even life is art, it’s beautifal and your world is however your mind makes it + plus your soul and heart !! ૮₍ • ˕ – ₎ა♡
Their music definitely helped me through this year, and if you add up all my music streaming apps, he definitely wins my top played artist of the year lol!! :3 It’s really so beautiful, art is so beautiful thank you and thank you for other artists in this world yay!
I’m ready for the new beginning and I’m ready to do better and show myself to the world, and for myself and for everything, the beauty and the sickening. For art, for people as a whole, and for my boyfriend who means the world.
Look deeply (23:40), I need to wrap this writing up sadly lol. I need to ground myself and listen to the still loudness of silence. I am me, I will be me eventually. Transformation with the moon as the heart and Jupiter as the “souls core to dreams bigger.” It’s possible if you believe it, do not force it but absorb and acknowledge and appreciate.
I’m grateful for still being alive, despite as a kid never thinking I would make it this far. And no, none of this has been easy. It has been horrifying and everyone and everything used to taunt me, in person, in my dreams, what I see, feel and hear. People can be mean, I never want to be mean, I want people to be okay.
I’m grateful for getting another chance, thank you.
