AngelKiti07I’M SO TRAPPED WITHIN MY MIND, SO TRAPPED WITHIN TIME. THE WAY I HARM MYSELF ISN’T ENOUGH. CUTTING, STARVING, SMOKING, IT’S NEVER ENOUGH. MY MIND!!! WHAT HAS IT BECOME!! SOMETHING SO UGLY, SO DISGUSTINGLY SOUR!! TOMORROW, TOMORROW, TOMORROW BUT NEVER TODAY AS I BEGAN TO DECAY!!! BUT I HAVE BECOME SO DEEP IN MY MIND AND I’M LOSING SENSE OF REALITY AND TIME AS I DIVE DEEPER IN MY MIND!! OH WHAT IS TIME!!??? HAVE I REALLY LOST REALITY?? OH WHAT A FOOLISH WAY OF THINKING YOU FOOLISH GIRL!!! REALLY, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DEEP INTO REALITY, TO THE POINT IT’S SICKENING! I’M SICK, AGAIN AND AGAIN. BUT HOW DO I ESCAPE THE MIND, WHEN I HAVE BECOME TOO AWARE. AWARE OF THE DESPAIRS.
ALL I WANT IS HIM, HIM, HIM!!!! I LOVE HIM TO THE POINT IT’S SICKENING, SO PLEASE OH PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME. YOU COULD USE ME AND EVEN ABUSE ME, AND I WOULD BEG AND BEG FOR YOU TO STAY. IF YOU LEAVE WHAT DO I DO??? YOU HAVE CHANGED MY HEART, MY SOUL, AND MY MIND!! OH MUST I SAY IT CLEARLY THIS TIME?? I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, FROM MY BROKEN HEART AS I CRY. ILL CRY BECAUSE I’M SICK AND YOU DO NOT HEAR MY SORROWS, NOT TODAY OR TOMORROW. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, GET ON MY KNEES AND PLEAD, SCREAMING “PLEASE OH PLEASE DO LOVE ME”
I’M GOING MAD FROM MY MIND AS I CLAW AT MY FACE!! WHAT A DISGRACE. YOU LOOK SO SICK, SO SO SICK IT’S DISGUSTING. YOU ARE GROSS SO EVER DISGUSTING. BUT REALLY YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN PRETTY, IT WAS ALL IN YOUR MIND!!! ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE LOST TRACK OF TIME. I’M GOING TO KILL HER AND STAB HER BODY ONE LAST TIME, IN HOPES OF BEING REBORNED ONCE AGAIN. THIS TIME I WANT TO BECOME EVER SO BEAUTIFUL. OH!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!! WHAT DID YOU DO BACK THEN, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO GROSS IT’S MAKING ME SICK SO SICK SO SICK SO SICK!! I HATE MYSELF FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY SOUL, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS HATRED THIS ALL. I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE JUST TO BE REBORNED OVER AND OVER. I’M GETTING SICK OF CHANGING FORMS FOR ALL I WANT TO BE IS MY SOUL, TAKE ME OUT OF THIS BODY.. THIS FLESH!!! HELP ME I’M TRAPPED IM TRAPPED NOT ONLY IN MY MIND. AGAIN AND AGAIN I WILL CRY. I CLAW AT MY FACE ONCE AGAIN, WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!!!!! I AM MISPLACED AND EVER SO SICK AND NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND MY MIND. BUT I DON’T EVEN WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD, FOR I KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR. BUT LISTEN, HEAR ME SHOUT FROM DEEP WITHIN MY HEART!!! IT’S SICKENING AND MADDENING WHAT DO I DO. WHERE YOU BEAUTIFUL ONCE OR WAS IT ALL A LIE?? DON’T LIE TO ME THIS TIME!!! TELL ME THE TRUTH, TELL ME NOW!! DO YOU LOVE ME OR IS IT ALL A LIFE?? WILL YOU NEVER LEAVE OR IS IT A LIE? TELL ME NOW, TELL ME SO I CAN END IT ALL!!! TELL ME SO I DON’T HAVE THE BEAR YOU LEAVING, FOR YOU ARE MY ALL!!! I CAN’T STRESS IT ENOUGH SOMEONE HELP. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE, IT’S SICKENING. AM I SAYING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN?? WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF ME HOW AM I PERCEIVED. THIS IS MADDENING, I CAN’T SAY IT ENOUGH. PLEASE HELP ME, OR CAN I NOT BE SAVED. OH!!!! I DON’T NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD, JUST HEARD. HEAR ME HEAR ME HEAR ME CRY FROM DEEP WITHIN MY SKIN. HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME MY LOVE I AM SO SICK AND ANGRY. I AM SO ANGRY I WANT TO KILL MYSELF IN ALL THE MOST HORRIFIC WAYS. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! PURE ANGER PURE HATRED, THIS PAINFUL AGONY!!!! I JUST WANT YOUR LOVE. I’M GOING IN CIRCLES AND CIRCLES IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW, SAVE ME I HAVE GROWN TO BE SO SICK, OR I HAVE LEARNED TO ACCEPT WHO I AM AND IMMERSED MYSELF IN THIS SO CALLED INSANITY. I WILL SCREAM IN PAIN, BUT NO ONE WILL HEAR. AND IT WOULDN’T EVEN MATTER, FOR ALL I WANT IS HIM!! HIM HIM HIM IT’S SICKENING WHAT I WOULD DO FOR YOU.
THESE WORDS CAN NEVER TRULY EXPRESS MY MIND, SO I’M CRYING AGAIN THIS TIME. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL LIKE A KID, BEGGING TO BE LOVE AND HEARD. BUT WHAT DO I DO!! I’VE GROWN QUITE WISE OFF MY MINDS, BUT SHOULD I DESPISE?? THIS BODY , THIS MIND?? WHEN REALLY WITHIN ALL THIS TIME, I HAVE GROWN WISE!!! WISE WISE WISE, BUT I’M ALSO NAIVE. NAIVE TO LOVE, BUT NEVER THE WORLD. HELP ME I CAN’T SAY IT ENOUGH!!!! OR IS THIS ALL POINTLESS, SHOULD I GIVE IT A REST?
BUT I OFTEN CAN’T SLEEP. AND INSTEAD I OFTEN WEEP. I DON’T WANT TO DREAM OF HIM AGAIN, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME. I DON’T WANT TO DREAM OF LOVE, I WANT THE REAL YOU TO GIVE IT TO ME!!! I’M CRYING AS I’M WRITING THIS EVER SO FOOLISHLY. GROSS HOWEVER DISGUSTING!!!! HELP MEEEEEEE I WANT TO SCREAM!! NOT EVEN YOU LISTEN TO ME AND THAT’S ALL I WANT. TO FEEL LOVED AND HEARD. HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME.
I AM NOT NORMAL, THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL SO WHAT I AM?? TELL ME SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT I AM!!! SO I CAN UNDERSTAND SO I CAN BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME SICK.
And now I’ve grown awfully weak, as I feel helpless as I realize these words won’t ever describe my mind. I feel foolish to cry, foolish to beg to be heard. When really, I’ve always been truly alone in this world. Once again, in all of my different lifetimes. I will never be understood and never be heard. But oh, I still can not leave this world yet again. So for now, I suffer within my flesh, soul and this disgusting mind. Over and over, until I die. I am a writer until I die.
-ANGELKITI07
